Armie Hammer Injures Himself While Moonwalking

Armie Hammer, show us your moonwalk Image by GETTY IMAGES/FORWARD MONTAGE

By Jenny Singer August 13, 2018

Armie Hammer, that tall blond lollipop of a man, has injured himself while moonwalking.

Hammer, a descendent of a Jewish oil tycoon who after years in the business experienced a true breakout as the star of 2017’s “Call Me By Your Name,” is a great actor and even better human specimen who is bad at being famous. He deserved a Best Supporting Actor nod for his work in that film, but he will have to settle for looking like Adolf Hitler’s worst nightmare for how Jews can turn out. Soon he will star in “On the Basis of Sex,” as Marty Ginsburg. Ginsburg had sense of humor and sense of self enough that he would find this amusing.

Hammer is only 31, but uses social media for this kind of tiresome fare:

Was just reminiscing with my buddy Jeremy about the good old days of mIRC… the lengths we used to go to just to spend a solid 30 minutes to write the code and then download a song that may have been a virus. #dialupdrama

— Armie Hammer (@armiehammer) July 18, 2018

Hammer is currently starring on Broadway in “Straight White Men,” a play by Young Jean Lee. In the contemporary dark comedy, he plays one-third of a group of brothers home for Christmas. If I were Armie Hammer’s agent, he would only be permitted to play the love interests in Regency-era period pieces. But I’m not, so he is in “Straight White Men,” a play where he frequently moonwalks to comedic effect.

Hammer took to Instagram on Sunday to explain that he has sustained some kind of injury while moonwalking and is being nursed back to healthy by co-star Josh Charles. Note the princely Hammer, sprawling prone on the theater carpet, hands balled into fists over his eyes. His tartan flannel flops majestically over his tree-like frame, springing up at the corner to reveal a hint of an undergarment.

He is too pure for this world. He is a Ken Doll, mixed with an LL. Bean catalogue mixed with pheremones. Our hero is laid low by his exertions. But believe it: Armie shall rise again.

Jenny Singer is the deputy lifestyle editor for the Forward. You can reach her at Singer@forward.com or on Twitter @jeanvaljenny

Jenny Singer is a freelance writer with pieces in Vox, the Washington Post, The San Francisco Chronicle, Teen Vogue, and more. She was previously a staff writer at Glamour and the Forward, and she’s currently getting an MFA in nonfiction writing at the University of Iowa.

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