New York Police Revert to Type
NEWS ITEM: New York City is spending nearly $1 million on new typewriters for its Police Department. Mayor Michael Bloomberg expressed shock at the purchase. “Why are they using any is the question you should ask, and where do you find them?” the mayor said. “That was the thing that I thought about. I didn’t think anybody made them anymore.”
The typewriter is obsolete,
But not for cops who walk the beat!
What does this mean? What is the crux?
New York just spent a million bucks
On buying yester-year machines,
For use when someone misdemeans.
You see, police record all torts
By typing details in reports
That by computer can’t be done
In any PD garrison.
Such processing is slow, but quite
A drama-filled, arresting sight.
The typewriter, device low-tech,
Compels police to hunt-and-peck.
In matters typographical
Pertaining to the criminal,
Each officer displays a knack
For making sounds of click’ty-clack.
It is by methods such as these
That they keep track of felonies.
In truth, this purchase-escapade
Makes New York cops seem retrograde.
Appropriate it might well be
To have a larger back-space key.
Away with “New York’s Finest” hype!
Just teach policemen how to type!
The future suddenly looks good
For Remington and Underwood!
A message from our CEO & publisher Rachel Fishman Feddersen
I hope you appreciated this article. Before you go, I’d like to ask you to please support the Forward’s award-winning, nonprofit journalism during this critical time.
We’ve set a goal to raise $260,000 by December 31. That’s an ambitious goal, but one that will give us the resources we need to invest in the high quality news, opinion, analysis and cultural coverage that isn’t available anywhere else.
If you feel inspired to make an impact, now is the time to give something back. Join us as a member at your most generous level.
— Rachel Fishman Feddersen, Publisher and CEO