The shuttering of Absolute Bagels on NYC’s Upper West Side is driving some to anguish — others to poetry
An elegy for the loss of the best bagel in New York — and maybe the universe
Absolute Bagels, as seen in 2021. Photo by Adam Langer
By Adam Langer December 13, 2024
Absolute Bagels was the subject of the first haiku I wrote on some forgotten holiday more than a decade ago:
Everything’s closed
But there’s a line out the door
At the bagel store
There is no science to choosing the world’s best bagel, but for the hordes of neighborhood regulars, Columbia students and TikToking tourists, there was none better than Absolute. Black Seed? Please. St. Viateur? Not even close. Tompkins Square? Dunno — never tried. The bagels at Bo’s may be more pristinely formed and come with a greater variety of unconventional toppings, but they still don’t approach Absolute’s sublimity. When you’re trying to find a decent bagel at 4 in the morning, I’d go with New York Bagel & Bialy just outside Chicago because in over 60 years, they’ve never done the one thing that Absolute Bagels did yesterday — close. Apparently for good.
News has been spreading fast that Samak Thongkrieng, who founded Absolute Bagels in the ’90s, has shuttered the store that routinely showed up at the top of Best Bagel surveys — and not just because it came first in the alphabet. The closing of Absolute is not like any other neighborhood business closing — I didn’t shed a tear for the coffee shop that kicked you out if you glanced at a text on your phone, or even for the Korean restaurant that served a great bibimbap and a mean lime rickey. This hits different.
The disastrous development has already been the cause for half a dozen impromptu, mournful neighborhood conversations — “I’m stunned,” one neighborhood business owner told me as we walked together earlier this morning. “It makes no sense; I’m speechless.”
And then there have been the texts expressing all the Kubler-Ross stages of grief.
This can’t be true.
This is worse than the November election!
Do you think maybe we could find a way to buy it?
This is so upsetting.
Should I write a story about other NYC good spots to get bagels?
The story broke on West Side Rag. Then, it found its way to Eater, Grub Street, Time Out and the paper of record, which in its inimitable way, concluded by dismissing the heartfelt outpouring of grief surrounding the apparent demise of the neighborhood’s most reliable institution.
“Of all the wrongs in the world, a bagel store closing is pretty low on the list,” The New York Times quoted one downcast customer as saying.
To which I would paraphrase Kevin Costner in The Untouchables — “Yeah? Well you’re not from this neighborhood.”
For, despite the occasional B from the health department, Absolute was more than the best bagel place in the city, it was as much a New York culinary landmark as Zabar’s or Barney Greengrass — except with lesser lox and superior bagels. It was a triumphant story of the American melting pot — proof that an immigrant from Thailand with a dream and a talent for rolling dough could make the best bagel in the city of bagels.
Absolute was where we would gladly stand in line down the sidewalk and around the block for a dozen bagels warm out of the oven — and maybe a Thai iced coffee to wash it all down. It was where we’d show up at 6:30 a.m. to beat the crowds to bring back breakfast before anyone else was awake. It was where we’d double-park on the way out of town to make sure we had the right snack for the road. It was the place where everyone knew who you were and asked after your family — “How’re you daughters? I saw them the other day; they’re getting big now.”
It was where, just a few weeks ago, I went to shop for holiday presents. I asked the man behind the counter if they were still selling Absolute Bagels hats.
“All sold out,” he said.
“Do you know when you’ll get more?”
“Maybe next summer.”
I guess I just wrote my second haiku.
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