RFK, Jr., like Titus before him, had a parasite in his brain. Photo-illustration by Mario Tama/Getty Images/Wikimedia Commons/Canva

By PJ Grisar May 9, 2024

Robert F. Kennedy Jr., the vaccine skeptic, third-party presidential candidate and son of the slain attorney general, has had something eating at him: a literal brain worm.

The revelation came in a New York Times report, which found a 2012 deposition in which Kennedy claimed that his memory loss “was caused by a worm that got into my brain and ate a portion of it and then died.” So, you’re probably wondering, how does this relate to kashrut and the Talmud?

I’m so glad you asked.

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Let’s begin with what’s not kosher here. While Kennedy never specified the nature of the worm, experts told the Times that, given Kennedy’s testimony, the worm was probably a pork tapeworm larva. As you can probably piece together, pork tapeworms come from undercooked pork, one of several hazards, like trichinosis, that can come from eating pigs. (Just when you thought it couldn’t get grosser: The larvae usually find their way to the brain when pork eaters pass the worm eggs in their stool and, failing to properly wash their hands, accidentally ingest them.)

While the exact reasons for the biblical pork prohibition are unclear, some believe that, like circumcision, it emerged from health concerns. If Kennedy’s experience is any indication, God may have been onto something with that one. 

(In a blog post, Kennedy admitted to eating a whole litany of treyf: “insects and nematodes, caterpillars, snakes, frogs, alligators, terrapins, sea urchins, octopus, birds eggs [sic], a mouse (by mistake), wild game including armadillo, wildebeest, warthog, coons and capybara, and some domestic animals including horse, dog and guinea pig. I have eaten road kill and I’m fond of viscera.”)

But Kennedy’s strange malady also recalls a deeper, extrabiblical cut from Gittin 65B of the Talmud.

I can’t believe I’m going here again, after once drawing the parallel between Vice President Mike Pence and his pet debate fly, but do you remember the one about Titus and his brain bug?

The Talmud relates that after the Roman general, later emperor, desecrated the Temple, God tried to take him out with an ocean wave. 

When that didn’t work, the Almighty sent a gnat up our guy’s nose and it went on picking at Titus’ brain for like seven years. The only thing that could allay the pain and annoyance of this bug was the sound of a blacksmith hammering, for which purpose Titus sometimes recruited a Jewish blacksmith to do the work for free. It was enough payment, Titus said, for that worker to see him suffer, which I like to think is what Kennedy tells his campaign volunteers when they threaten to quit.

So where does this all leave us? Was there a divine hand in Kennedy’s cerebral parasite, an instant karma from consuming unclean meat?

Well, Kennedy is a practicing Catholic, so is not bound by the rules of kashrut, nor did he do anything so blasphemous it would warrant a Titus-like punishment. 

A more likely penalty came in a later revelation in the Times article, that Kennedy, who has long spread misinformation about mercury in vaccines and its disproven link to autism, claimed he suffered from mercury poisoning from eating a lot of tuna fish sandwiches.

In the words of our great sages, Ravs George St. Geegland and Gil Faizon, it was, at last, too much tuna. Kennedy’s campaign insists these past medical conditions will not affect his ability to serve as president. Both the brain worm (z”l) and the Pence fly are ineligible to run.

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