Stanley Siegelman
By Stanley Siegelman
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News The Gargantuan Gonif
NEWS ITEM: Bernard Madoff, a heretofore widely respected New York financier, has been charged by federal authorities with master-minding a massive alleged Ponzi scheme — assumed to be the largest in history. Madoff has played an active role within the Jewish community. The central point, the vital crux: He stole some fifty billion bucks! That’s…
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News Will Subway Riders Take a Stand?
NEWS ITEM: Straphangers in the New York City subway system are faced with the prospect of having nowhere to sit. The Metropolitan Transportation Authority plans to eliminate seats in certain trains during rush hours in order to accommodate greater numbers of passengers. The MTA the throng mistreats, Depriving them of subway seats. Already like sardines…
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News ‘Sacred Vows, Secret Affairs’
NEWS ITEM: In a televised report entitled “Sacred Vows, Secret Affairs,” CBS News uncovered a surprising degree of sexual immorality in New York’s ultra-Orthodox community, a group famously known for high standards of righteous behavior. Cited as one causative factor was the prevalence of pre-arranged marriage, causing unhappy spouses to seek fulfillment elsewhere. Ingesting too…
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News Hail to the Chief (of Staff)
NEWS ITEM: President-elect Obama named Rahm Emanuel, a Jewish congressman, White House chief of staff. A hard-nosed guy who takes no gaff As presidential chief-of-staff! In Jewish circles, people kvell About him: Rahm Emanuel. They see in him a rising buoy, This congressman from Illinois. They think he’s on the up-and-up — Moreover, with a…
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News In the White House: A Fresh Em-bark-ation
NEWS ITEM: President-elect Barack Obama has promised his daughters a puppy when the family moves into the White House. Obama’s daughters now will get In Washington a brand new pet. The White House halls will echo — heark! With sounds of both Barack and bark. Tradition calls for presidents To have cute pups as residents….
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News Jewish Questions Arise in Beijing
Oh, who will light symbolic flames At China’s great Olympic games? Perhaps officials will employ A conflagrative Shabbos goy? Will mameloshn be among The languages of print and tongue? Yes, yenta is a Yiddish word, So “Ori-yent-ed” may be heard. (Or would the use of mameloshn Simply lead to more Confucian?) If garrulous, a winning…
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News Giraffe Milk Is Kosher
NEWS ITEM: An Israeli rabbi, an authority on kashrut, declared that giraffe milk is kosher. Said he: “The giraffe has all the signs of a ritually pure animal, and the milk that forms curds strengthened that.” The rabbi based his ruling on a recent finding by researchers at Bar Ilan University who had taken a…
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News Jesse Jackson’s Cutting Comment
NEWS ITEM: In a burst of anger over a speech delivered by Barack Obama, the Rev. Jesse Jackson told a colleague that he felt like castrating the presidential contender. Jackson did not realize his remark was being picked up by a live microphone. When Jackson feels the urge to vent, He’s apt to wax inelegant….
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