Stanley Siegelman
By Stanley Siegelman
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News Obama Addresses the School-Kids
Republicans are mighty pissed At Washington’s chief “socialist” Who spoke to students nationwide. “Subversive bilge!” these critics cried. Barack displayed both guile and gall By urging pupils, one and all, To study hard, their teachers heed, In order to in life succeed. Shocked parents, charging that high marks Were clear inventions of Karl Marx, Discerned…
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News Fake Shofars Blow No Good
NEWS ITEM: Some Israeli religious authorities are concerned about the recurrence of a problem that came to light last year: the sale of non-kosher shofars. It clearly states in Jewish law That shofars must be free of flaw. Yet thousands flood the market (true!) With imperfections masked by glue. (This means purveyors try to hide…
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News Sex — Is It Good For The Jews?
NEWS ITEM: “The Passionate Torah: Sex and Judaism” — that’s the title of an anthology just published by New York University Press. It explores what the Torah has to say about sex. Provoking praise and some unease: A book about the birds and bees. What makes its publication news? It solely concentrates on Jews. This…
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News New York Police Revert to Type
NEWS ITEM: New York City is spending nearly $1 million on new typewriters for its Police Department. Mayor Michael Bloomberg expressed shock at the purchase. “Why are they using any is the question you should ask, and where do you find them?” the mayor said. “That was the thing that I thought about. I didn’t…
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News British Lawmakers Elect First Jewish Speaker
NEWS ITEM: For the first time in its long history, the British parliament elected a Jewish speaker of the House of Commons. He is John Bercow, 46, the son of a taxi driver. The leader of Bercow’s Conservative Party, David Cameron, hailed the historic occasion: “I would also like to put on record an historical…
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News State Left Unmanned in Dixie-Land
NEWS ITEM: South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford disappeared for a week, explaining he would be hiking in the mountains on vacation. Actually, he engaged in a secret tryst in Argentina with his inamorata. Should we forbid a governor From dallying with sweet amour? His job is hard beyond belief, So why deny him some relief?…
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News Bar Mitzvah Behind Bars
NEWS ITEM: A wealthy inmate was allowed to host a lavish bar mitzvah for his son at the Manhattan lockup known as the Tombs. Bar mitzvah behind bars? That’s new! A novelty to every Jew! An inmate went beyond the pale By staging one inside a jail. His son was the bar mitzvah boy, The…
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News White House Is Bugged by Flies
NEWS ITEM: For inexplicable reasons, the White House is being assailed by swarms of flies, creating a massively embarrassing and annoying situation. To everyone’s immense surprise The White House is besieged by flies. They pester the chief resident. (We mean, of course, the president.) Throughout the area they flit, Who knows what ailments they transmit?…
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